By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
