her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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