from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
