Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
