I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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