Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
