ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
