Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
