ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
