saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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