I want to stick my p in your. b.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
