so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
