Your face is a jimmy john
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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