OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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