Yo dont text me then not text me
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
