I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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