I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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