Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
