just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
