Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
