I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
