We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
