I just saw a hot homeless man
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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