She is in my trunk
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
