my mouth tastes like poor choices
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
