I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
