The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
