i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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