He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
