I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
