It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
