We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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