Fine. I'll sleep in my office
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
