we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
