that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
