So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
