i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize