I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
