I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
