I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
