don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have aggressive nipples.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
