I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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