My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
