just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
