This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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