i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
