You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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