And the cops told us we were all naked.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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