Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
