I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
