textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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