The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize