Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
