if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm at about main and main street
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
