I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
