Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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