I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Don't make out with my wife yet
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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