a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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