Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
