90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
