i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
