I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
