Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
