Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
