I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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