You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
