i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
