I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Your penis caused this!
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