Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
