The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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