if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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