i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
