she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
