could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I touched a dick in church today
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
