His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize