9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize