Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
