I'm so fucking centered right now
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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