We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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