i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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