You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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