woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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