We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
