i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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