Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
