Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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