omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
