He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
