You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
