PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
