I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am available for nakedness
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
