I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
