the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
