Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize